A terrible Tuesday in ten easy steps!

Hi all of you! ^^

So you've might noticed my absence from the blog yesterday (Did you miss mee?? :3), and that was simply because yesterday really wasn't my day. Seriously, I don't think it was meant for me to even get out of bed.
I think I might just make a list over yesterday:

1. I force myself out of bed with a dizzy head and heavy eyes. I think for a slight second "good it's weekend soon" but I soon realize it's only Tuesday.
2. I'm at the bathroom getting ready for a new day. I'm fighting the urge to take "quick nap" on the floor. I try a new type of concealer I just bought, but suddenly notices that something, somewhere, went terribly wrong and now most of my face has turned light green. Yep. I want to remove it but realize the clock is working against me as always.
3. I'm rushing to the kitchen and my mom complains on me being late for breakfast again. She isn't in a particularly good mood either, and somehow we get into a big fight about everything that's ever happened, or could happen. I'm tired, sick and mad already, so the fight really gets into me. During the fight she calls me "useless" by accident, and I start to think she is completely right. 
4. Feeling down, sad and useless, I begin my walk to school. It's way past time, so I already know I'll be too late again. Frustration from past times well up inside me, as it tends to do when I'm in a dreadful mood. Suddenly the snowflakes melting in my face gets mixed up with my own tears, and I decide I just can't arrive at school like this. I turn around and walk home.
5. I lie down on the couch and listen to sad and negative music. I fall asleep for many hours. 
6. My stepfather picks me up to my appointment with my homeopath. (He's still unaware that I skipped school.) The appointment might just be the one good thing of the day, as we talked about the problem and I felt a little better.
7. My stepfather picks me up again. He has a really big, tall car, and as I climb up in the front seat I hear a discreet "riitch". Tadaa! A part of my pants just ripped up. It's a rather large, quite visible gash too. 
8. My headache is getting even stronger as we eat dinner at my grandmother's house. I confess to all that I skipped school, and try to explain why. 
9. We agree that I'll be skipping theater practice too, as I'm probably about to collapse or kill someone any minute now. 
10. We get home and I call Gulli and tell her all about my horrible life. Then I go straight to bed, and hope you readers will forgive me for not blogging.  

Sounds lovely, right? I hope it will be a long time before a day gets that crappy again...

Today I've been focused on school work ^^ It it one my new year resolutions that I don't fall behind there. 
I've also decided to focus ever more on my recovery from last years breakdown (read further down on the blog for more details), so I made it clear to myself: meditate more, sleep more when you're supposed to sleep, and don't stress yourself needlessly.

With that mentioned, I like to listen to music box tunes when I need to relax and ease my mind. I loved music boxes when I was little, so I might got it from there. It's perfect for sleeping too! ^.^
I can share two of my favorite "don't want to think more, just sleep"-melodies with you:

They're so calm and soothing! I also recommend walking with these on your iPod in the rain. :3
Or if you don't have rain, check out http://www.rainymood.com/ very random, but clever.

Hope you all forgive my lack of blogging!

Sweet dreams <3

Bad luck? Me? maybe...

Hello Hello!

Thought I'd pop by to write a little blog post while taking a break from homework. ^.^

I am a person who has a lot of bad luck, mostly connected to sports involving balls. For some weird reason I always manage to get hit in the head by a ball very often., and today was not an exception. We were having handball in our gym class, and guess who was able to get a ball in the head just by sitting on the bench? You guessed correctly, me! I am not a very athletic person, have never been and will never be, but I think I should manage to not get hit in the head all the time... Maybe I should add that to my New Years resolutions?

This could definitely happen to me... just maybe without the umbrella :p

On to something totally different, the fear of failure. 

I often feel like I'm not good enough or I don' do it the right way, and I know I'm not alone about it. We are given demands or requirements to follow up, and a lot of the times it feels like it's no good. We see beauty and fashion ideals that are impossible to live up to, people at work or school that are expecting something or does something really good and you have to live up to the expectations. This I'm sure many recognize, but it's all a feeling we have. I have tried to tell myself that, but no matter what I'm doing, even if I've done it a hundred times before, I still get performance anxiety. This is something that is actually good for us, because it sharpens your mind and give focus. Those that are not nervous at all might think lightly of the task and oversee something important. But if the nervousness is too big it might not be too good either, because the body will react totally wrong to things and your performance might be diminished. So how do you cure your performance anxiety? This is something I'm still working on myself, but the most important thing to do, is to change the way you look at your self. See yourself in a different way, a more positive way, and focus on the good parts instead of the bad. This way you'll see what's good about you and maybe you'll understand that you are better than you thought. Find out what you can do to make yourself happy and feel good.

Have a good night/evening/day depending on where you are, but make sure to make today or tomorrow a great day! ^.^ 

Bye Bye~