A little depressed? Yeah, me too.

Hello loved ones!

Today is a rather crappy day. I'm exhausted, frustrated, sad and I feel sort of ignored. Does it sound familiar? School wasn't bad either, it's just that I have tons of gloomy thoughts stocked up in my mind that keeps tormenting me. Confusing words coming from a meditation enthusiast? Yeah, I know. I've had trouble finding a solution for my problems though, and the main reason is that I don't know for sure why I feel so depressed. At the beginning of a new year, and everything!

And as always, you have Facebook. Honestly, it isn't many other webpages where you can find so much crap. Or maybe there is? Well, Facebook is being used by almost everyone in your social circle, so it's hard to avoid people you don't like at the moment, and it's very hard to control the content. Your news feed can be hilarious, sad, frustrating, boring and everything in between depending on who of your dear friends that has been active recently. I think one should be able to label Facebook content. Like: "stupid girls", "alcohol involved" or "relationships you don't wanna know about" or "annoying popular person that knows way too many people and have 200+ likes on his/her profile picture".
You don't want to hear about those when you're depressed. And so, you could just cancel out all posts with those labels... Ah, at least I can hope.

It is indeed very frustrating when you feel like you're just never good enough, pretty enough, effective enough and successful enough. I know it sound like a big cliche, but we often forget the most mean and merciless criticizer of all: ourselves. 

Sometimes there is so painfully little you can do about how things work, and how people see you.
And when you're way to tired to concentrate on pan flutes and breathing techniques, it's time for the classic emergency break.
Chocolate, sad/angry music, and a cute childish movie with a happy ending. 
It may not be a long term solution, but it works perfectly when everything else is wrong. Don't ignore any feeling, take it all out and actually taste it, so you're prepared to deal with them once you have the strength. Remember, it's absolutely perfectly fine to break down!

Hope you all have much happiness ahead of you, and have a nice weekend! ^.^
Now I'm going to eat chocolate and watch Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses.

Ideal Christmas?

Hi cuties!
So today I wanted to write a bit about something that seems to be quite taboo in our modern society. What is Christmas? How should it really be celebrated? Maybe we put so much glory in the ideal Christmas that those who can not celebrate it that way, are left behind.
When I was 4 years old, my parents split up. Me and my mother moved back to her hometown, while my father stayed behind in the far south of Norway. It's not like it hurt me deeply. I was young, and I don't remember much of it. I got used to our way of living, and I was always excited when I was sitting at the airport, waiting for the plane that would bring me to my father. In fact, the first time I traveled by plain alone, I was only 5 years old!
Me and my mother lived alone all these years, and I never missed anything. But once I got older, my thoughts took a new direction. Why had everybody else a dad? Why did everyone have these perfect core families, with two parents and siblings? I started to feel lonely. When I was younger I was a quite vulnerable girl, and I had a lot of friends that treated me wrong. Nothing like it is today!
The worst time was Christmas. Before I was quite fund of it, but not anymore. I hated it. Me and my mother used to have a lot of fights, and in Christmas I was basically locked up in the house. It was a taboo to be with friends during Christmas time. Of course, I could meet them in daytime and play outside in the snow, but the afternoons and evenings got longer and longer. In Norway, most of the winter time is dark, since we're so far north. It's really cold and dark, and it very easy to get depressed and lonely.
I ended up crying in my bed on Christmas Eve, and New Years Eve were no different.
Okay, so this post got quite personal, but my question is: Are we expecting too much from Christmas?

There are many people out there celebrating Christmas all by their self, and there are many who can't afford to buy gifts for their children. Old people sitting all alone, and glancing out of the window.
People like me, who took a long walk outside in the cold winter night, and looked at the Christmas lights and through the windows of happy families celebrating together.

I decided for myself that this Christmas was going to be different, and so I talked to Gulli, which is my best friend, about my troubles in the past. We made an agreement to spend a lot of time together in the Christmas holiday, and if things got really bad, I could even spend Christmas Eve there! I didn't, but it felt great just to have the offer there. I mentioned this to another friend of mine, and she instantly replied: "Are you serious? Christmas is a family holiday! I would be really annoyed if a friend wanted to come on Christmas Eve."
That was not exactly supporting, and it just shows how hard it can be for some people to understand that loneliness comes in many forms.

Anyway, I wish you all a very merry Christmas filled with love and friendship! Remember, it's always okay to let people know if you're feeling down, instead of keeping it to yourself :)