A terrible Tuesday in ten easy steps!

Hi all of you! ^^

So you've might noticed my absence from the blog yesterday (Did you miss mee?? :3), and that was simply because yesterday really wasn't my day. Seriously, I don't think it was meant for me to even get out of bed.
I think I might just make a list over yesterday:

1. I force myself out of bed with a dizzy head and heavy eyes. I think for a slight second "good it's weekend soon" but I soon realize it's only Tuesday.
2. I'm at the bathroom getting ready for a new day. I'm fighting the urge to take "quick nap" on the floor. I try a new type of concealer I just bought, but suddenly notices that something, somewhere, went terribly wrong and now most of my face has turned light green. Yep. I want to remove it but realize the clock is working against me as always.
3. I'm rushing to the kitchen and my mom complains on me being late for breakfast again. She isn't in a particularly good mood either, and somehow we get into a big fight about everything that's ever happened, or could happen. I'm tired, sick and mad already, so the fight really gets into me. During the fight she calls me "useless" by accident, and I start to think she is completely right. 
4. Feeling down, sad and useless, I begin my walk to school. It's way past time, so I already know I'll be too late again. Frustration from past times well up inside me, as it tends to do when I'm in a dreadful mood. Suddenly the snowflakes melting in my face gets mixed up with my own tears, and I decide I just can't arrive at school like this. I turn around and walk home.
5. I lie down on the couch and listen to sad and negative music. I fall asleep for many hours. 
6. My stepfather picks me up to my appointment with my homeopath. (He's still unaware that I skipped school.) The appointment might just be the one good thing of the day, as we talked about the problem and I felt a little better.
7. My stepfather picks me up again. He has a really big, tall car, and as I climb up in the front seat I hear a discreet "riitch". Tadaa! A part of my pants just ripped up. It's a rather large, quite visible gash too. 
8. My headache is getting even stronger as we eat dinner at my grandmother's house. I confess to all that I skipped school, and try to explain why. 
9. We agree that I'll be skipping theater practice too, as I'm probably about to collapse or kill someone any minute now. 
10. We get home and I call Gulli and tell her all about my horrible life. Then I go straight to bed, and hope you readers will forgive me for not blogging.  

Sounds lovely, right? I hope it will be a long time before a day gets that crappy again...

Today I've been focused on school work ^^ It it one my new year resolutions that I don't fall behind there. 
I've also decided to focus ever more on my recovery from last years breakdown (read further down on the blog for more details), so I made it clear to myself: meditate more, sleep more when you're supposed to sleep, and don't stress yourself needlessly.

With that mentioned, I like to listen to music box tunes when I need to relax and ease my mind. I loved music boxes when I was little, so I might got it from there. It's perfect for sleeping too! ^.^
I can share two of my favorite "don't want to think more, just sleep"-melodies with you:

They're so calm and soothing! I also recommend walking with these on your iPod in the rain. :3
Or if you don't have rain, check out http://www.rainymood.com/ very random, but clever.

Hope you all forgive my lack of blogging!

Sweet dreams <3

A little depressed? Yeah, me too.

Hello loved ones!

Today is a rather crappy day. I'm exhausted, frustrated, sad and I feel sort of ignored. Does it sound familiar? School wasn't bad either, it's just that I have tons of gloomy thoughts stocked up in my mind that keeps tormenting me. Confusing words coming from a meditation enthusiast? Yeah, I know. I've had trouble finding a solution for my problems though, and the main reason is that I don't know for sure why I feel so depressed. At the beginning of a new year, and everything!

And as always, you have Facebook. Honestly, it isn't many other webpages where you can find so much crap. Or maybe there is? Well, Facebook is being used by almost everyone in your social circle, so it's hard to avoid people you don't like at the moment, and it's very hard to control the content. Your news feed can be hilarious, sad, frustrating, boring and everything in between depending on who of your dear friends that has been active recently. I think one should be able to label Facebook content. Like: "stupid girls", "alcohol involved" or "relationships you don't wanna know about" or "annoying popular person that knows way too many people and have 200+ likes on his/her profile picture".
You don't want to hear about those when you're depressed. And so, you could just cancel out all posts with those labels... Ah, at least I can hope.

It is indeed very frustrating when you feel like you're just never good enough, pretty enough, effective enough and successful enough. I know it sound like a big cliche, but we often forget the most mean and merciless criticizer of all: ourselves. 

Sometimes there is so painfully little you can do about how things work, and how people see you.
And when you're way to tired to concentrate on pan flutes and breathing techniques, it's time for the classic emergency break.
Chocolate, sad/angry music, and a cute childish movie with a happy ending. 
It may not be a long term solution, but it works perfectly when everything else is wrong. Don't ignore any feeling, take it all out and actually taste it, so you're prepared to deal with them once you have the strength. Remember, it's absolutely perfectly fine to break down!

Hope you all have much happiness ahead of you, and have a nice weekend! ^.^
Now I'm going to eat chocolate and watch Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses.